"All coaches have one thing in common, that they are ruthlessly results-oriented." -Fast Company magazine
When I was a senior in college, one of my professors asked me to guest-teach his business writing class full of international graduate students. I'd achieved a reputation for helping people write successful resumes and cover letters, so I guess this professor saw it as a good opportunity to give me some teaching experience and get a day off in the process.
So I go into this classroom armed with standard college-student-level examples, fairly confident that I could show this class how to tweak their resumes and make them look good. I was a little daunted––they were all older than me, and graduate students!––but I've always had ridiculous amounts of self-confidence, so no big deal.
And then I was bombarded by questions!
"I made three drafts of my resume. Which one is better? The one with education on top? Or experience? Or should I emphasize my goals?"
"I already have a job lined up when I go back to my country after graduation. Why should I learn this?"
"How old are you?" (Me: Hmm... I look pretty young. Please keep listening to me.)
"I have ten years of experience in [some complicated math or technology field]. Should I list all of my skills? That would make my resume at least ten pages instead of one. Can't I just do a CV instead?"
"I don't want to apply for any jobs that require English. It's difficult for me here, and I don't know English well. Can I just write a resume for my own country?"
And my favorite: "I'm fluent in four languages. Should I include that? I don't see that on any of your examples." "Oh, me, too. I speak three languages perfectly." "Yes, I do, too." Etc.
Wow. Overwhelming. Then I realized that I just needed to work with each person individually, from the ones who didn't know why they were in the class to the ones who had years of experience and far more expertise in some (most) areas than I did.
It's kind of the same coaching the DDG freshmeat right now. I have a plan, and I have a goal, but everyone is progressing so differently, and there are so many questions!
"How can I improve my crossovers?"
"What is the best way to do a turnaround stop without just spinning and falling down?"
"What kind of wheels should I get? What kind of trucks are on these skates? What are bearings and how do they work?"
"What kind of league job would be best for me? Who should I talk to about that?"
Some girls can immediately skate as well as some of our veterans, and some are on skates for the first time in decades or the first time ever. Some girls are confident in their past years of athletics and some are new to team sports. Some are much more outgoing, and some still seem uncertain by the whole rambunctious atmosphere.
And then my goals––to get everyone scrimmaging as quickly as possible and to be encouraging at all times––cannot be on a timeline. That's just impossible. At the beginning stage, it's like coaching nine people at, at least, five distinct skill/confidence levels.
But I am just so proud of each girl! And now I will embarrassingly talk about each of them:
Flossy Fatale has SO MUCH heart. If I had gotten a bruise the size she did at bootcamp, I would not have been back. Her enthusiasm level is ridiculous. Taking a beating from the floor and getting back up every time––quicker than the last time––very impressive.
JJ, jumping over stuff at, like, her third or fourth practice, without fear, seems to just do what needs to be done. Her focus seems strong. I don't know her goals, but I can tell she has them and will relentlessly achieve them.
Jill, at the greenway practice, really stole my heart when she said, "Oh, we're done with these exercises already? Can we do some situps? Come on, guys, we need to do some situps." And later, "Are we done skating? Let's run now. At least for a few minutes. We all need to run!" And, "Wow, when I fell, I realized that I really love falling! Even on asphalt."
Honey is back after a few years off. It seems like when people leave they don't come back. But she's here, and she's ready to skate. She has just jumped back in as though she knows derby is where she wants to be, which, of course, it is!
Christina (I apologize for this) really reminds me of me. It seems like she's like, Okay, I'm ready to hit some people. I've been waiting for roller derby, and now I'm here. Let's get going. I don't need encouragement, just permission to keep pushing it to the limit.
Tonya is another girl with more heart and enthusiasm than I can imagine. She skates ALL the time! With a broken butt and everything. There's something unnameable about her that tells me she's going to be awesome for the duration, that she's going to completely immerse herself in derby and become increasingly better and better.
DISPATCHher, hmm. I am a little afraid of scrimmaging against her once I'm back. She practiced taking hits one time, and there hasn't been another girl with such solid skating skills since... I don't know. And I know she's going to hit like Nookie or Ebbin or Lola. So watch out!
Boom Boom sort of infuriates me with jealousy at her current level of athleticism. (I was out-wall-sat! I know! Crazy! I'll blame it on the baby.) She approaches every skill with a sort of nonchalance, like, Yeah, I can do this. No problem. I might not have it yet, but in a few more tries, it's going to be perfect, and I'm going to make it look easy. As though I've done this my whole life.
And Vixen'Ta Jett is there. She's really there. From the first day she walked in to practice, right before we took time off at the end of last season, to every practice now, it seems like she switches 100% from real life to derby. That's so important, and it shows so much in her skills and progress.
I can't imagine DDG without any of these girls, already. And while I feel like I'm looking in nine different directions at nine completely different types of skaters and personalities and skill levels and communication types, I know that they will all come together to make our team stronger and better than ever. As long as we all have our goals and keep our focus securely on them, we're ready to roll!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Instinct and crazy Walmart people
I almost got jumped in the Walmart parking lot.
When I got out of the car, this lady was running at me, yelling something like, "You KNOW what you did! I can't believe you're such a [edited]! You took my parking spot!!"
Me, looking around at the kazillions of empty spots, some closer to the door: "?"
Crazy lady: "And I have kids in the car!"
Thinking, Poor kids. At least I'm guaranteed to be a better mom than someone. Thinking, Wow, you're a psycho. And your hair is ugly. I should say something really mean. I don't deserve this. Me, politely: "Would you like me to move?"
Crazy lady: "Uh." Deflated pause. Looking disappointed that the pregnant lady didn't want to fight with her, or even yell. "No. It's too late now. Never mind."
She got back in the minivan and parked one spot away. I kept walking. (Well, I noted the license plate in case she keyed the car while I was inside. Gold Odyssey, Alabama plates, 44C80F5.) Walking inside, I was trying to calm down. I'm sure I looked like the calmest person in the world, but I was pretty shaken. I hadn't even seen her van in the parking lot, much less cut her off, and that made the shock so much worse. Being blindsided makes it so hard to do the right thing instead of the instinctual thing.
It made me think of this other time, when I was about 20 maybe, when the mom of a guy I had dated asked me to visit him while I was visiting the town he lived in. She suspected he was taking drugs and apparently thought he would stop if I just stopped in and chatted for a while. I hadn't seen him in months, so I humored his mom and stopped at his apartment. He answered the door and seemed happy to see me. Then this tiny little screechy girl darted from across the room and started trying to hit me. I was pretty startled, and I laughed - she was about 5 feet tall and pretty skinny - because it seemed ludicrous that she was physically attacking me. Apparently laughing at a person isn't always the best move. I wanted to punch her, but she was so small and she was obviously on drugs and out of it. And, you know, I didn't really know her or know why she was hitting me. I covered my face with my forearms and got a nasty scratch down one arm.
I was angry, but the worst part was knowing I did the right thing and it still being so difficult. It would have been much more satisfying to hit her back. For weeks, it made me angry all over again every time people asked me why I didn't do anything back - it would have been justified, being self-defense and all. Having people imply I was weak or cowardly for not following my instincts was certainly the hardest part.
Then there was this one rugby game where this same girl kept illegally tackling me. Then, one of her teammates took me down, she looked me in the eye, and deliberately cleated me in the crotch. I may have punched her in the face. It wasn't more satisfying.
When I joined Dixie Derby Girls, my sense of the team was mainly confusion and chaos. Some people were friendly. Most people were indifferent. Some seemed actually mean. (I blame this impression on my natural reticence, though.) Practices were confusing, and I couldn't figure out who the coach was for months. It seemed like a lot of time was spent talking about things like, This person said this, and then this other girl got all mad. And now I'm going to get back at her for doing this one bad thing to this other girl, because she's my friend. It seemed like I spent a lot of time standing or skating aimlessly, invisible, listening to all kinds of people say all kinds of things. Mainly, it didn't seem malicious, just habitual. And when we scrimmaged, there was one player who, because of her height and unsteady skating gait, seemed to always elbow me in the face. It was hard to not take it personally.
DDG's a whole new team now, but it's still difficult to do the right thing instead of the instinctual thing. When I hear someone say something terrible about people I like - or when I was still practicing and felt like someone was targeting me (which, really, is almost always in the mind of the person who feels targeted, I think) - it's hard to not turn around and do the same back instead of addressing it calmly.
But, you know, I don't want to be that crazy lady looking for a fight in the Walmart parking lot. I don't want DDG to be that team that allows itself to be baited, to lose tempers, and to lose games because of it. I certainly don't want to be that girl who punches someone during a sporting event for no reason. (That's not entertainment, really. That's lack of self-control and respect for the game.) It's difficult to wait half a second and do the right thing and second-guess constantly about it for weeks afterward, but it's worth it.
When I got out of the car, this lady was running at me, yelling something like, "You KNOW what you did! I can't believe you're such a [edited]! You took my parking spot!!"
Me, looking around at the kazillions of empty spots, some closer to the door: "?"
Crazy lady: "And I have kids in the car!"
Thinking, Poor kids. At least I'm guaranteed to be a better mom than someone. Thinking, Wow, you're a psycho. And your hair is ugly. I should say something really mean. I don't deserve this. Me, politely: "Would you like me to move?"
Crazy lady: "Uh." Deflated pause. Looking disappointed that the pregnant lady didn't want to fight with her, or even yell. "No. It's too late now. Never mind."
She got back in the minivan and parked one spot away. I kept walking. (Well, I noted the license plate in case she keyed the car while I was inside. Gold Odyssey, Alabama plates, 44C80F5.) Walking inside, I was trying to calm down. I'm sure I looked like the calmest person in the world, but I was pretty shaken. I hadn't even seen her van in the parking lot, much less cut her off, and that made the shock so much worse. Being blindsided makes it so hard to do the right thing instead of the instinctual thing.
It made me think of this other time, when I was about 20 maybe, when the mom of a guy I had dated asked me to visit him while I was visiting the town he lived in. She suspected he was taking drugs and apparently thought he would stop if I just stopped in and chatted for a while. I hadn't seen him in months, so I humored his mom and stopped at his apartment. He answered the door and seemed happy to see me. Then this tiny little screechy girl darted from across the room and started trying to hit me. I was pretty startled, and I laughed - she was about 5 feet tall and pretty skinny - because it seemed ludicrous that she was physically attacking me. Apparently laughing at a person isn't always the best move. I wanted to punch her, but she was so small and she was obviously on drugs and out of it. And, you know, I didn't really know her or know why she was hitting me. I covered my face with my forearms and got a nasty scratch down one arm.
I was angry, but the worst part was knowing I did the right thing and it still being so difficult. It would have been much more satisfying to hit her back. For weeks, it made me angry all over again every time people asked me why I didn't do anything back - it would have been justified, being self-defense and all. Having people imply I was weak or cowardly for not following my instincts was certainly the hardest part.
Then there was this one rugby game where this same girl kept illegally tackling me. Then, one of her teammates took me down, she looked me in the eye, and deliberately cleated me in the crotch. I may have punched her in the face. It wasn't more satisfying.
When I joined Dixie Derby Girls, my sense of the team was mainly confusion and chaos. Some people were friendly. Most people were indifferent. Some seemed actually mean. (I blame this impression on my natural reticence, though.) Practices were confusing, and I couldn't figure out who the coach was for months. It seemed like a lot of time was spent talking about things like, This person said this, and then this other girl got all mad. And now I'm going to get back at her for doing this one bad thing to this other girl, because she's my friend. It seemed like I spent a lot of time standing or skating aimlessly, invisible, listening to all kinds of people say all kinds of things. Mainly, it didn't seem malicious, just habitual. And when we scrimmaged, there was one player who, because of her height and unsteady skating gait, seemed to always elbow me in the face. It was hard to not take it personally.
DDG's a whole new team now, but it's still difficult to do the right thing instead of the instinctual thing. When I hear someone say something terrible about people I like - or when I was still practicing and felt like someone was targeting me (which, really, is almost always in the mind of the person who feels targeted, I think) - it's hard to not turn around and do the same back instead of addressing it calmly.
But, you know, I don't want to be that crazy lady looking for a fight in the Walmart parking lot. I don't want DDG to be that team that allows itself to be baited, to lose tempers, and to lose games because of it. I certainly don't want to be that girl who punches someone during a sporting event for no reason. (That's not entertainment, really. That's lack of self-control and respect for the game.) It's difficult to wait half a second and do the right thing and second-guess constantly about it for weeks afterward, but it's worth it.
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