A bad case of the "You just wait"s

Major life changes and strongly held values tend to bring out the worst in people, I've found. Not their own major life changes or strongly held values, mind you, but those of other people.

Let me explain.

If you know me at all, you know that one of my notable characteristics is knowing what I want, knowing what I believe, and not being swayed easily by the opinions of others unless they are unusually well reasoned and logical. (Yes, sticking with this requires a good bit of stubbornness, which, of course, I have.) I've been like this my whole life, as far as I can remember.

It begins early, the encounters that include the words, "Oh, you just wait..."


Here's a typical script––fill in with your particular experiences:
Person: "Oh, you're going to                        ?"
Me: "Yes, definitely."
Person: "You might think that now, but you just wait until                        happens. Then you're going to                          ."
Me: "Nope, I don't think so. Still planning to                        ."

Here are some examples of how this has played out in my life so far.

Example #1, as teenager:
Person: "Oh, you're going to wait until marriage to have sex?"
Me: "Yes, definitely."
Person: "You might think that now, but you just wait until you fall in love. Then you're going to change your mind so fast!" (or, "You might think that now, but you just wait until you drink too much and meet some cute guy. Then you're definitely going to do it.")
Me: "Nope, I don't think so. Still planning to wait till I'm married."

Outcome: Yep, I was right.

Example #2, while playing sports:
Person: "Oh, you run marathons/play rugby/play roller derby?"
Me: "Yes, I do. I love it!"
Person: "You might love it now, but you just wait until your knees are shot/your back hurts/you break your ankle. Then you'll wish you hadn't done something so hard on your body. It seems fun while you're young."
Me: "Nope, I don't think so. I'd regret it more if I didn't run/play."

Outcome: No regrets. Breaking my ankle really sucked, but even so, it's pregnancy stopping me from playing again, not regrets over a broken bone.

Example #3, while newly engaged:
Person: "Oh, you're going to get married soon? How exciting! Are you excited? Well, you will be until you start having all those newlywed fights."
Me: "Yes, I'm definitely excited. I think it will be great."
Person: "You might think that now, but you just wait until you can't stand being married and just fight about stupid little things. Then you're going to wish you were still single."
Me: "Nope, I don't think so. That's not how our relationship is now, and I can't imagine it will be much different just because we're married."

Outcome: Yep, no flurry of newlywed fights for Jeff and me. I can kind of recall maybe some brief disagreements resulting from trying to talk to each other from different rooms in the house, but that's easily resolved. We're a pretty peaceful and compatible couple with cooperation as our overriding default... you know, just as we have been since we first started dating.

Examples #4, #5, #6, #7... (oh, they're endless!) while pregnant with kid #1:
Person: "Oh, you're going to have a baby?"
Me: "Yep! We're pretty excited."
Person: "It IS exciting... but you just wait! You're never going to sleep again!"
Me: "Nope, pretty sure that would be impossible."

Outcome: I have, indeed, slept again since Matthew was born.

Person: "Are you planning to breastfeed?"
Me: "Yes, I am."
Person: "Oh, you might think that now, but you just wait until you're too tired to get up in the night/your boobs hurt/you find it really inconvenient/you want to drink heavily (clearly, these people don't know me...) Then you're going to see how great formula is."
Me: "Nope, I'm going to breastfeed. Let's stop talking about my boobs now. Awkward."

Outcome: I didn't love it, but I didn't expect to, and the goal was accomplished.

Person: "So-and-so is being induced tomorrow. Are you going to be induced?"
Me: "No, definitely not."
Person: "Oh, you might think that now, but you just wait until you're already past your due date and you're too big to move and you just want that baby out!"
Me: "Nope, that's not going to happen."

Outcome: No induction here. And no pain meds.

Person: "You're planning to use cloth diapers?"
Me: "Yes, we are."
Person: "Oh, you might think that now, but you just wait until you have to actually change those diapers! And wash them! You'll probably be all on board with disposables then."
Me: "Nope, I don't think so."

Outcome: LOVE the cloth diapers. Mainly because I'm lazy and hate to buy things. Or even have to remember to buy things. And kind of hate spending money, especially for things designed to be thrown away.

I could go on and on, but onto the next life event...

Example #6, while pregnant with kid #2:
Person: "Oh, you're going to have another kid? How are you feeling now, pregnancy-wise?"
Me: "Oh, not too bad. Just a little tired. I'm bad at sleeping while pregnant."
See #4 for how this plays out.

Person: "What tv shows does Matthew like?"
Me: "Oh, he doesn't really watch tv."
Person: "Oh, you might say that now, but once you have a baby, you'll do anything to get a few minutes of peace and quiet from your toddler."
Me: "Nope, not going to happen. I kind of hate tv."

And that brings us up to the present.


Now I'll clarify: It's not that I think most topics have a "right" and "wrong" side. It's a continuum. It's that I think, "Every person's experience is different. Your life is not like mine. Your opinions hold no sway over my decisions." What I believe strongly may be insignificant to you, and vice versa.

I'm not saying it's better to risk wrecking my body by playing roughneck sports (as my grandma would say), then deliver a baby without unneeded interventions, feed that baby with my boobs, and catch his excrement with reusable cloth while not letting a toddler watch tv or eat sugary snacks. But I am saying it's better for me.

Maybe for you, it's better to risk wrecking your body by not doing anything, delivering a baby through elective c-section, feeding that baby with a bottle, and catching his excrement in plastic while letting your toddler watch tv and eat sugary snacks. And I will not offer my opinion on that. You know, because it's your life! I don't know what's best for you. I don't know anything about you, anything real.

Mainly, what I find irritating is how everyone from complete strangers to casual acquaintances to true friends seem prone to catching a case of the "you just wait"s. I'm sure I do, too, though I try to actively guard against it (especially when people with younger babies ask me things about my experience––it probably gets repetitive that I'm always saying, "Well, in my experience so far... blah blah blah... but it's different for everybody. You know what will work best for you.") It's the fact that the "you just wait"s are always accompanied by a flippant disregard for and dismissal of someone else's opinion or experience that really gets me.

What are your best encounters with "you just wait"?