End of an era

Today is Matthew's first ever day of not breastfeeding! Yay for me! And I don't think he's noticed at all.

It's been such a journey.

The plan when Matt was born was for me to breastfeed at least 3 months. Then the second goal was 6 months, and the ultimate goal was a year. I felt pretty sure I would not want to breastfeed past a year, though I was willing to concede another month or two depending on how well the weaning process was going. At 11.5 months, we pretty much made it.

I feel pretty proud of myself for this, especially since I haven't liked and still don't like breastfeeding, really. Sure, I feel strongly about it and that people should do it if they possibly can, but apart from feeling satisfied with achieving my convictions, it's kind of been a hassle. I like being just my own person. Well, it's complicated. It IS nice getting baby cuddles every single day no matter what. So, ambivalence.

Overall, weaning has gone spectacularly well. Matt really doesn't seem attached (hee hee), so dropping feedings has been no problem for him other than the first week, about 5 weeks ago, when he was slightly fussier. He seems to love drinking regular milk out of a cup, making cute slurping sounds (and dribbling milk all over everything).

But, weaning is also going spectacularly poorly for me in some moments. I was worried about getting some type of postpartum depression since depression runs in the family, but thankfully that didn't happen. But, man!, these hormone changes from weaning are killing me. It's ridiculous. I feel like a high schooler all over again, crying for no reason. Really. The other day I was writing an email and just started crying uncontrollably. It took me probably 10 minutes to get it together. And NOTHING triggered the crying jag. I wasn't even really thinking about anything, just typing about something boring and not baby related. So... hopefully things will even out quickly.

Also, I can't sleep. It has to be related. I'm tired, not caffeinated, not stressed, not hungry, haven't exercised too close to bedtime, then just lay there all awake and stuff. It's terrible, especially since Matt wakes up around 5 or 5:15 every day. And then I just feel like crying. Or sleeping all day. Or alternating between crying and sleeping. But instead we go about the usual routine, playing, laughing, strolling, going to the gym, romping around the yard. Ugh.

So that's not so great.

But yay! again. I can leave Matthew whenever I want (not that I have anywhere to go) and not have to worry about my boobs feeling like exploding! And now he's really like a kid instead of a baby! We made it!