Boundaries

This baby is testing his boundaries. I think he thinks he's going to outlast me. Little does he know that I have about, oh, 28 years of practice in stubbornness. I won't be worn down.

Specifically, Matthew really really wants to chew on the toilet seat. Also pull down the DVD player and anything else attached to cords near the tv. And there's one other table he's not allowed to touch, too, with a bunch of stuff on it. So we've entered that years-long phase where he has to learn the meaning of no.

It's funny because he'll just be playing in the livingroom when he gets this look in his eye. Then he crawls at top speed (which is remarkably fast) toward one of the three things he's just not allowed to put his grubby little hands (or teeth) on. He stops, looks around for me, and reaches out his hand (or face). Sometimes after the first "no" and removal from the area, he decides it's not worth it. But sometimes he just has this little defiant look on his face, like, "Hmm, is she going to stop me this time? I think I can get to it. Going for it!" So we repeat the whole thing. After about four times of me moving him away and saying no, Matt will start crying––what I think as his exasperated crying––and then still keep doing the same thing! Eventually he gives up, once he realizes he should bide his time for a better opportunity, I suppose, and crawls away to do something else.

Babies are so transparent. I can practically see Matthew thinking, "Maybe I can get it this time. Or this time. Or this time. Ahh, fine, maybe not."

When I read things on the internet, it just makes me laugh and cry. I'm going to go ahead and judge other people now: It drives me crazy when on message boards people say things like how you should never tell your kids no, and babies can't learn things or understand anything, and you should babyproof your entire house so your kids can have the run of the place. After all, they're just babies. They're only little once. Let them do whatever they want, because they're just curious and don't know right from wrong.  

Because that's our job! That's what parents are for! As far as I know, there's not some magic age where babies suddenly begin to understand everything, know what they can and can't touch, and just simply learn appropriate behavior in different circumstances. We have to help them learn! Right now!

I mean, if Matthew can remember that there are patches of sunlight in the guest room that he likes to play in and crawls in there to see them, though he hardly ever goes in that room, he can certainly remember that the toilet is off limits. If he can remember that there are fun doorstops behind the doors, which are normally out of sight, he can remember that he's not supposed to touch the DVD player.

And babyproofing is good, to a point. Sure, we have outlet covers in all the outlets, and I wrapped a blanket around one sharp-edged piano leg, where Matthew is particularly prone to falling, but not everything can be made 100% safe or 100% accessible. And I don't think it should be. The world isn't babyproofed. I don't want Matt to grow up thinking that he can and should be able to touch every single thing that he wants to.

I'm not suggesting that rigidity in teaching correct behavior is the best option, either. We played with some junk mail for a long time the other day, crinkling it and throwing it. I let Matthew take risks appropriate to his age and development. He can touch the grass if he wants to, even if it's a little intimidating. He can climb on his little playhouse, though if he falls, it probably will hurt. He can open and close drawers, and even though he might pinch his fingers sometimes, I'm going to let him do it so he can learn (though not when he's tired because then he does pinch his fingers and cries, and it's sad). I let him stand outside of the exersaucer and play with the things, even though the base is wobbly when he pulls it with all his strength.

But I'm not going to back down and let him be in charge of everything. It would be easy to move the stuff off the end table or put the DVD player and other electronics where a baby can't reach them, but that's not really the point.

I think we've struck a good balance.