I was talking to one of my friends today who has recently had a baby. And it made me think, Wow, I am SO glad that Matthew's not a newborn anymore. Actually, I think that thought probably at least every other day. Jeff and I hope to have another kid sometime in the future, but every time I kind of start to begin thinking about having another kid someday (or some year), I just shudder on the inside thinking about having a newborn.
I'll state here that I've loved Matt from the moment he was born. I'm pretty sure the first thing I said, while crying in happiness (both for having a baby finally and for not being pregnant anymore), was "I love this baby so much!"
But that aside, my goodness, I could not wait for Matthew to get older. The first two weeks were pretty difficult. The first month was not so great. After the second month, everything was much, much better. I listened to that country song "It Won't Be Like This For Long" like a million times. And finally it wasn't like it was at first.
I'm pretty sure people forget what it's like to take care of a tiny baby. All the time people with older kids were telling me to "enjoy every moment" and "oh, I loved when my kids were babies. It was so much easier." Nothing like accidentally making a new mom even more overwhelmed with guilt that she kind of hates taking care of a newborn. I kept saying there was no way every stage of childhood would be harder and harder from newborn on. And so far it has gotten a lot easier. (With the exception of the events leading up to Baby Sleep Chronicles.)
So yeah, around-the-clock feedings, unexplainable crying, millions of diaper changes, and oh, the boredom. I cried a bunch of times at just how tired I was of being in the house. Even walking around the block was difficult for the first couple weeks, still recovering from childbirth and whatnot. I think I saw every show on HGTV at least twice, including episodes that come on in the middle of the night.
During the day, I just counted the hours until Jeff got back home. And texted people a lot, either cute pictures of sleeping baby or complaints about how very many hours I spent feeding Matt per day.
But then it changed. I got more energy and was less ravenous. Matthew got a lot better at eating and it didn't take up nearly so many hours in the day. Now it's only minutes. Matthew realized that he could sleep during the night instead of cry for hours. Jeff turned back into his normal self instead of his slightly-discombobulated-because-of-baby-crying-in-the-night self. That helped me a lot. Matt learned how to smile. And laugh. And then he stopped keeping his little hands in fists all day long and stared at his fingers a lot. That was fun. And now he does tons of things! He's practically a toddler! He'll probably be toddling within the month!
I hate to say that I'm kind of glad that the early days, maybe the whole first two months, is kind of a blur now, but it's true. Sure, some days I wish I could just set Matthew on the floor and not have to worry about him hightailing out of the livingroom to try to chew on the toilet seat, but overall, it sure is nice that he's not a newborn. And now I love staying home and playing all day.
The other day Jeff was saying how it used to be a lot easier to do some things. And that's true. It used to be much easier to bathe, dress, change, and generally corral Matthew. He used to fall asleep anywhere pretty easily. He was much friendlier to strangers. I guess the secret is to forget about how difficult those days are and just remember the easy parts. But then again, it's nice to remember accurately, too, to better appreciate every new day and every new thing that comes with it.
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