31 kisses

Me: "On my birthday, I'll be thirty-one. You can give me thirty-one kisses."
Matt, excitedly: "Yes, please, Mom give Matt thirty-one kisses when Matt is thirty-one on his birthday!"

I'll have to remember that one.

Mimic

Sam loves to mimic, especially anything that Matt does. Matt's had a cough lately, so he's been dutifully coughing onto his arm. Sam doesn't have a cough, but he's been fake-coughing onto his arm.

SOBs

Matt loves vehicles and he loves talking. He is also not so great at pronouncing some things. Every time he says "SUV," I hear "SOB." Lots of giggling on the inside.

"There goes a huge SOB!"
"Matt sees a tiny SOB with a ladder."
"Matt likes SOBs."
"That SOB is too fast."

Trash is tricky for Sam

Sam has just started getting interested in the trash can. The other day, he was trying to throw away all kinds of stuff - paintbrush, crayons, trucks, Mr. Potato Head, tissues straight from the box.

I was peeling carrots and throwing away the tops, so I handed Sam the top of a carrot and showed him how to throw it away. He was not happy. He tried to eat the carrot. I took it out of his mouth. He cried and cried. I tried to show him again. He tried to eat it again. He cried and cried.

A little while later, he tried to put some magnets in the trash can.

Trash is still too tricky.

Gross #2

Matt, while sitting quietly at the kitchen table, shouts: "Matt just tooted two times very quietly!"
Me: "Okay. You don't need to tell people. That's not very polite."
Matt, contemplatively: "Matt should just not say anything and just think about toots."

Literal

Matt said he was "a little bit tired," so I asked him, "How did you sleep?"

He said, "First Matt slept on Matt's stomach, just like Dad sleeps. Then Matt slept on Matt's side. Then not sure because Matt was just sleeping the whole night and didn't wake up any times."

Okay, then.



When Sam and I picked up Matt from preschool, Sam was saying, "Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa." I said, "Sam must think we're picking up Grandpa. He should be saying 'Matt, Matt, Matt.'"' Matt said, "Grandpa can't fit in Matt's car seat. His butt is TOO big!"

Gross

Gross but hilarious things Matt's been saying:

"Matt might have to BURP." Burps loudly while saying the word "burp."

"Matt not want to walk. Matt want to ride bulldozer so Matt can peddle really, really fast and get sweaty. Matt likes to be sweaty."

Matt rubbed his foot against the crib mattress, which is under his bed, and it makes a tooting noise. "Yuck! . . . Matt said 'yuck' just to be funny!"

"Matt just burped so loud Mom thought it was thunder!"

"Something came out of Matt's underwear! Dad, see what it is! Something was in. Now it's out! . . . Underwear went in Matt's butt."

Sam is a toddler!

This morning, Sam stood near the coffee table and kind of made motions like he might take one step just so he could reach the piano bench. Three or four times, he leaned to his right, realized he couldn't quite reach, and decided to just stand instead of taking that one tiny step.

Then, right after lunch, I got him out of his highchair, and he stood next to my chair for a few seconds. Then he very casually started taking steps toward Matt's chair, maybe five to eight steps, as though walking is no problem for him. Then he carefully sat down and took off at top crawling speed to the living room.

He's a toddler now!

Matt's picks for baby names

Me: "What do you think we should name our new baby? Can you think of a girl's name and a boy's name that you like?
Matt: "Sam! Sam is a good name for a baby."
Me: "We already have someone named Sam in our family."
Matt: "Matt!"
Me, laughing: "We already have a kid named Matt in our family. Can you think of any names you like that kids in our family don't already have?"
Matt: "Mom! New baby can be named Mom! No kids in our family named Mom. Just Mom is named Mom."

Chores

Me: I'll be ready to play with you as soon as I finish a few more chores.
Matt: "Chores" are...?
Me: Chores are things we need to get done around the house, like dishes and laundry and cleaning the bathroom and sweeping, things like that.
Matt: Matt like chores. Matt really, really like chores.
Me: Oh, I know you do.

Sam's recent activities

Sam's been waving and saying "hi" and "bye." He particularly likes to do this with ladies of a certain age...that age being probably about 30.

He's also been doing this thing where he flops to the ground while playing like he's just so tired and needs to rest. Then he pops back up and giggles. It's pretty much the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Sometimes he tries to wave at the same time, and it looks so uncomfortable.

Sam also tries to say "boo" at the appropriate times, and he's been learning "blech" (I know, not even really a word) and "pop."

Sudden death

Jeff's watching soccer on the iPad and, at a commercial, remarks, "Now it's the end of regulation and it goes into sudden death." Matt replies, "Matt want to look at sudden death when it pops back up."

Milking it

Around 11 a.m., a bee bumped into Matt's eye. No big deal. He cried and then was fine.
Around 5 p.m., this conversation happened.

Matt: Matt's not crying yet.
Me: Why did you say "yet"? Are you planning on crying later?
Matt: Yeah. Bee went in Matt's eye.
Jeff: He's really milking it.
Matt: We are not milking it.

Matt's plans for adulthood

Matt was saying that someday he's going to be 30 just like Mom and Dad. Turns out he's been planning his future. Here are some of his plans.

Matt: When Matt is 30, Matt will be a grownup just like Mom and Dad.
Me: Yep, you will be. You'll have a job and probably a house and a car.
Matt: Matt still live in this house when Matt is 30.
Me: No, you'll live somewhere else, in your own house. Maybe you'll be married. Maybe you'll have kids.
Matt: Matt be married and have kids and live in this house still.
Me: Oh, yeah? Where are you going to sleep?
Matt: In my toddler bed.
Me: Yeah? Where's your wife going to sleep, the girl that you're married to?
Matt: On the carpet in Mom and Dad's room.
Me: If you have kids, where are they going to sleep?
Matt: In my toddler bed with Matt.
Me: Hmm. What about Sam? Do you think he'll still live here when he's a grownup?
Matt: Sam sleep in Sam's crib when he's 30, but we need to pop off the side so Sam's crib is Sam's toddler bed then Sam sleep in Sam's toddler bed in Sam's room.
Me: Oh? What if he's married and has kids, too? Our house will be pretty crowded.
Matt: Matt WANT our house to be pretty crowded.
Me: Where would Sam's wife sleep?
Matt: Right on carpet in Mom and Dad's room right by Matt's wife. Sam's kids sleep in Matt's toddler bed with Matt and other kids. Sam sleep in Sam's room. Matt LIKE our house to be really crowded.

Well, okay, then. It's a plan.

When is morning?

This morning, at about 7:40, I went to check on Matt because he's usually up much, much earlier. When I opened his door, he was sitting up in his bed holding onto his blanket. I asked him if he had been awake for a while or if I woke him up. He said he'd been awake for a while, "just sitting there." I asked why he hadn't said "All done sleepin'! All done sleepin'!" like he usually does (and then we tell him "Come on out!"). He seemed confused. Then I asked him, "Did you think it was still nighttime because it was so dark from the thunderstorm?" He said, "Yeah. And owl kept hooin', so Matt thought it was night. Then owl stopped hooin', so Matt thought it was morning. Then owl started hooin' again, and Matt thought it was nighttime. Then Mom came in. Now it's morning!" 

Logically

At breakfast, right after we prayed, Matt said, "Matt almost said 'woof' instead of 'amen' this time!" I asked, "Oh, why's that?" He answered, "We are all dogs today!"

"All of us are [this animal] today"

Every morning when he wakes up, Matt says, "All of us are pigs today!" Or "All of us are cows today!" "All of us are cats today!"

Sometimes he switches it up, and "Matt and Dad are dogs today! Mom and Sam are sheep!" Then periodically throughout the day, he'll say things like, "One dog went to work. One dog is at home. Two sheep are at home."

It's funny. It will be a little sad when this phase ends.

Baby fever...

...Matt has it.

He's inexplicably convinced that we're going to be getting a new, "tiny" baby, as he says, though we keep saying that "maybe we will never get a new baby." A mom of a girl in his morning-out program just had a baby a few weeks ago, and when Matt saw him, he was so excited; he looked at me and shouted, "Mom'n'Matt take this tiny baby home with us!"

Interview with a toddler

Matt: Read the words [on my shirt].
Me: It says, "New Mom 2011."
Matt: Used to be old mom.
Me: Ha ha. No, I used to be a new mom. Now I'm kind of an old mom... Actually, before you were born, I wasn't even a mom.
Matt: NOW you are old mom. Dad old dad?
Me: He used to not be a dad, either, until you were born. Someday you might be a dad, when you're a grownup.
Matt (so excited): Then Matt carry Sam! Mom click Sam in!
Me: What are you talking about?
Matt: Then Matt pick up Sam in carrier and Mom click in buckle part! MATT carry Sam when Matt is dad. Matt PROBABLY pick black carrier, get it back out of box.
Me: Okay... Sam won't be a baby, though. Someday you might have your own baby.
Matt: Just like Mom! Just like Dad! First Matt is baby. Now Sam is baby. Mom USED TO BE baby.
Me: Yep, I was a baby once, too.
Matt: The mom of Mom is...
Me: Do you remember who my mom is?
Matt: It's Ross!
Me: Ha ha ha. Nope.
Matt: He's my [your] brother.
Me: Yep. And my mom is... DeeDee!
Matt: Dad used to be a baby. Mom used to be a baby. EVERYBODY used to be a baby.

He's a quick one

Tonight Jeff and I were in Matthew's room saying goodnight to him, as usual. Matt likes to pretend to be different animals all the time (lately dogs and bees have been popular), so Jeff usually picks him up, says, "I'm going to get some cuddles from Matt-dog." Then he hands Matt to me to put into the crib and turn off the light and whatnot. Tonight, Jeff said, "I'm going to get some cuddles from Matt-monkey." Immediately, Matthew said, "Matt-monkey's swinging from tree to tree," while swinging himself from Jeff toward me. Kid is quick and witty, that's for sure.

Living the dream

The other day, I was thinking about how at each age, I've thought that's the best age, or that every year is my best year so far (with two exceptions: I remember that being 16 wasn't so great; also, when I was 27 or 28, I had a pretty rough time, with being unemployed, the whole disaster that was my experience with DDG––when I look back at it frankly––the gluten thing, and the broken ankle).

But for real, this stage of life is the one in which I feel most like my "real" self.

I had pretty much one of the best childhoods imaginable, but I can't say that I ever really felt secure. My parents did a great job, but a sense of security was certainly lacking, and I always had the sense that everything could change at any time. So that wasn't great.

I certainly wasn't convinced when people said high school would be the best years of my life. If I hadn't been so reserved around grownups, I probably would have scoffed out loud. It was fun, but so not "me."

College, too, was a lot of fun, but also certainly not the best years of my life. I worked SO much. My friends and I did tons of fun stuff (oh, demolition derby sledding, how I miss you), and I liked going to classes, but the work hours to pay for it all. Whew. By the time graduation came around, I was ready. But also, I just felt like I was more ready to be a "real grownup" by then. I definitely never was into the whole party scene of college, either.

Next chapter, grad school. Again, I liked the classes. I made a lot of good friends. I met Jeff. Lots of fun, lots of work.

Moving to Madison was nice, but being unemployed was, oh my goodness, probably the most challenging thing for me, with my personality and background and love-to-work attitude.

But now! Yay! I'm pretty much living the dream. Jeff and I get along great and are still waiting for those fabled newlywed fights to happen. We have a nice house. I've got the copyediting job that I've wanted since I was in middle school, at least. And these kids! I had never imagined, or I should say, never dreamed about, having kids really, but it's pretty much the best thing ever.

Some days, I'm like, "Oh. My. It's still four hours until Jeff gets home. I do not want to feed this baby or clean up the food under the kitchen table or change a diaper or help anyone use the toilet or hug anyone or or or..." Sometimes the millions of needs weigh on me, and the house is suffocating, and it's too cold to go out, or one of them is sleeping...

But usually, I love it. Usually, I want to spend all my time with these guys, and then it's still not enough. Usually I don't mind the millions of needs and the fact that everything is way harder to do with kids and takes so much longer (like, oh, just getting into the car in the first place).

Usually, I'm glad at the end of the day that it's over (because it's tiring!), but I'm also so sad that they're getting so much bigger and older already. And I'm sad that sometimes even all the hours in the day we spend together aren't enough. This, right now, is for sure the best time, and this is my best self––taking care of kids and hanging out with Jeff at home and working in my extra hours and sometimes managing to go running all by myself, in the beautiful, beautiful silence that makes all the noise even more beautiful, too.

"Everybody"

Who is "everybody," you ask?

Well, according to Matt, it's him, me, Jeff, and Sam. Every weekday, I say something like, "Okay, everybody needs to get ready and then we'll go." And Matt invariably says, "Not Dad! Dad's at work!" Or I'll say, "Everybody needs to eat lunch and take naps." And Matt will say, "Not Dad! Dad's at work. Not Mom! Mom work on 'puter when Matt's sleeping." Or maybe, like yesterday afternoon, when I said, "Everybody is a little fussy right now," and Matt said: "Not Matt! Matt's a lot fussy!"

And every time, I'm like, "Gah, I know. Not literally everybody."

I kind of feel like this sort of thing is my payback for being the same type of annoying little kid who always had to find verbal loopholes. But for now, it's pretty funny.

A post about Sam

It's hard to write about a baby when a hilarious toddler is telling jokes and making up funny games and pretend stories all the time. But nonetheless.

Sam is a delightful baby. He's pretty much delightful all the time. "Delightful" is really the best word for him. He cried twice last week, and I was extremely alarmed, because he hardly ever cries. Sometimes he cries a minute or two before going to sleep, but that's all.

He's pretty good at sitting up now. He sat for about an hour today, playing with toys, before falling over. He still rolls from back to front pretty much every time we put him down, but he forgot how to go from front to back, so he does a flailing move like he's swimming when he's on his belly.

Sam's kind of a cuddly baby lump. He doesn't seem like he's in a hurry to get moving, which is nice, because it's a lot easier to smooch a baby's face a thousand times a day when he's a calm baby. His personality seems very laidback.

His main activities right now are chewing on his Sophie giraffe and chewing on his washcloth and chewing on whatever toy Matt has put near him to play with. Also, he enjoys chewing on blankets.

Usually I do a lot of things to try to make Sam laugh (peekaboo and jumping and flying baby are his favorites right now), and when he starts laughing, Matthew announces, "Sam's laughing! Do it again!" or he demands, "Mom make Sam laugh! Keep doing it!"

So that's what Sam's been up to lately.

Turtle Mom

The main activity in our house right now is pretending. We pretend a lot of things. If Matt's favorite clothes are in the laundry, he pretends he's wearing them over the clothes he's actually wearing. If Matt's playing pretend kitchen, he gives Sam pretend teeth to eat the pretend food he cooks for him. We sit in pretend heavy machinery. Matt has two pretend babies that he takes care of when I'm taking care of Sam.

But the funniest things are Turtle Mom, Dad Rabbit, Sam Goat, and Matt Sheep. Turtle Mom has been doing ALL the work around here lately. She's been feeding and changing and putting the two pretend babies in the crib when I do those things for Sam. She's been helping me clean the blinds. She's been eating my food and drinking my water and reading my book and taking a shower in my bathroom. Sam Goat and Matt Sheep are pretty lazy, but sometimes Dad Rabbit also changes the pretend babies' diapers.

It's pretty funny all the time.

"Had to go in trash"

Another classic Mattoddler joke.

Something about the phrases "all gone now" and "can't see it" make Matthew say, "Had to go in trash."

The original scenario probably went something like this:
Me: "You don't have that toy anymore because it broke. It's gone now."
Matt: "Had to go in trash."

Or maybe this:
Me: "No more oatmeal. You didn't finish eating it, and now it's gone."
Matt: "Can't see it. Had to go in trash."

And that led to Matthew's jokes...

Me: "We can't see the sun anymore because it's almost nighttime."
Matt: "All gone. Had to go in trash!"

Me: "Well, silly guy, you can't see Sam because he's on the blanket behind that box."
Matt: "Can't see him. Had to go in trash!"

Matt: looking outside where we saw birds earlier - "No more birds out here. Had to go in trash!"

"Not just" and "That's silly"

Some of Matt's new things to say are "Not just..." and "That's silly" (also, "That would be silly").

For example:
"Not just cof. Not just fee. Coffee!"
"Not just pu. Not just zul. Puzzle!"
"Not just under. Not just wear. Underwear!"

You get the point.

Usually I wear pajama pants in the house. I sometimes call them my "house pants." One day when we got home from an errand, Matt said, "Mom wear house pants. Not just house! That would be silly!" Then he probably ROFL'd. His jokes crack him up.

If Sam tries to chew on something, "That's silly!" If something unexpected falls on the floor, "That's silly!" If Matt's pretending to be driving an excavator, that's not silly, but if I ask him if he's sitting in his carseat in the excavator, "That's silly!"

If I say Sam can't do puzzles with us because he'd probably try to chew the puzzle pieces, Matt says, "That would be silly!" If I say, "No, no, Sam, that's not for chewing," Matt will say, "Mom says, 'No, no, that's not for chewing!' but Matt says, 'Yes, yes, that's for chewing!' and that's silly!!"

Speaking of silly, Matt recently brought back one of his first-ever jokes. When he was about one and a half, he called my tie-dye shirt a "hair tie" by accident. Then he realized what he said and laughed hysterically. The other day, he grabbed my hair tie and said, "Here's Mom's tie-dye shirt!" Hee hee hee. Jokester for life.