I like to call going to practice my secret life. Because I spend all day with Matthew, almost all of his waking hours, he probably thinks he knows me. I'm Mom, Mom, Mom. But ha ha! I tricked him! When he goes to sleep, I go to roller derby practice! It's my secret life, and he knows nothing about it.
Tonight's practice. And I'm so excited every practice day. I used to be like, "Eh, practice tonight. Should be fun." Now I'm like, "Woohoo! Practice!"
I didn't think I would play roller derby again. It seemed like a lot of work. At least once a week, I was like, "Ugh, Jeff, should I quit? I love skating, but I'm so tired of everything else. I just don't want to do it anymore. But I really like hitting people. But I hate having to do a bunch of other stuff. And some of the people are so annoying, always trying to cause drama or complaining about other people." (At least I did my complaining to Jeff, right, not at the rink? Ha ha.)
But now! Skate, skate, skate! No work! No fundraisers! No monthly dues! Just skating, skating, skating, hitting, hitting, hitting, and my favorite - getting to scrimmage for, literally, hours and going in every single jam. It's a roller-Brigitte's dream come true. And no one's dropping out and saying they're too tired. I think nearly everyone who plays roller derby has cried during or after practice at some point. Notably, my practice-induced crying happened after a scrimmage one time. I sat in my car sobbing hysterically. Another girl knocked on the window and asked me if I was okay and what the problem was. I said something like, "I'm fiiinnne... I'm just crying because of people being such wusses. We never ppppracctttticce haarrdd enough. Boo hoo."
The other thing I love about RAD (Rolling Arsenal of Derby, my new team, for those of you unfamiliar) is that everyone is more serious. Not serious in a not-fun kind of way, but serious in a we're-here-to-play kind of way. Practice is very focused, and it's fun because we don't waste a bunch of time talking about extraneous events or our feelings or our personal lives. (That's what before practice is for.) And it makes me so happy to be there. (Of course, when I'm getting ready to leave my house at quarter to seven, I'm always like, "Oh, Jeff, I should skip practice so we can hang out more..." And he's always like, "No, you should go to practice. You'll have so much fun." And I'm like, "Okay. I guess so." He's always right. If only I could spend more time with Jeff AND more time at practice. But I always want more time regardless.)
I'm also pretty enthused about the friendliness of my teammates. I've always had friendly teammates, but a couple girls I'm just always happy to see. Like Marley. We're kind of alike, I think, wanting to smile and wave and laugh and whatnot instead of doing aggressive things for warm-up. Or Taki, who is just so nice, but in a funny way, not a boring way. And Annie, my new friend from MOMS Club, who mentioned she wanted to play, met with the coach, got skates, and carpools with me. I like a friendly rollergirl, it's true.
My first bout in ages, nearly two years I guess, is this Saturday. We're playing a team I've never played before, and we've got some girls injured so we'll be short on players, and I'm still not fast and sometimes nagged by that old, awful joint pain, but I'm still SO excited. I don't care whether we win or lose (sorry, teammates, if you're reading this, of course I want to win, oh-so-badly); I'm just so excited to be skating again and hitting people every week and subtly displaying my arm bruises at moms' club events and 100% loving roller derby instead of 50% loving/50% thinking, "Hmm, should I quit? Maybe I should quit. No, maybe it will get better." It has gotten better. I've found my team!
We love you!
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