Eeek! But better than I expected

As part of my gym membership, I had a fitness assessment done.

Bad news first: measurements.
Bust: 39"
Waist: 33"
Hips: 45"

My measurements from a couple years ago:
Bust: 32"
Waist: 28"
Hips: 33"

What the heck happened to my hips? Oh yeah, childbirth. Eek. Same with the boobs (I knew they were way bigger, but geez. That's ridiculous). No excuse for gaining five inches in the waist, though. Which leads to the other bad news: I am mildly obese. Yech. I didn't need the fitness assessor to tell me that, though. (I have already lost some weight in the past 3-4 weeks but have a long ways to go.)

But the good news! I'm still super buff and flexible and stuff.

For the heart rate/treadmill test (not sure what it's called), I'm in the 99th percentile for females in my age group. Funny story on that. The test entailed walking on the treadmill and staying within a certain heart rate range while the assessor increased the pace and incline. I was just walking, thinking, "Hmm, I'm going to try to lower my heart rate." So I did! The guy was like, "That's strange. Your heart rate is going down! I don't understand." I said, all casually, "Oh, yeah, I'm trying to lower it. I was thinking about that old game show with the tennis-star host where people had to not exceed a certain heart rate or they would lose. [Possibly called The Chair? I can't remember.]" He said, "Well, yeah, people can do that when they're scared or something, but not while exercising." I think he was impressed. I was pretty proud of myself, anyway. I was also channeling Dwight: "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will." Pam: "Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?" Dwight: "So I can lower it."

I also scored 99th percentile for grip strength and sit-reach hip flexion. Both surprising to me. I've lost flexibility, but apparently not as much as I thought.

Pushups, 85th percentile. I can do better, but I was really sore from lifting the day before. So now I'm really, really sore. Reach-over-shoulder flexibility, also 85th percentile.

Crunches. Ech. I can barely bear to write it here since my abs of steel have formerly been one of my defining characteristics. 70th percentile. My excuses are that it was really difficult, the room was really hot, and I am, honestly, a little concerned about this stomach bulge thing that I'm going to the doctor for next week. But really, there's no excuse for that. I should be able to do crunches all day long. (And lose five inches at the waist while I'm at it.)

Hopefully they'll be seeing me more around the gym, and you'll be seeing less of me (hee hee. I know, not that punny).