On Monday, we decided that Matt needed to quit his pacifier cold turkey. It was really helpful for a while, to help him fall asleep or to quiet him down in big crowds, like at church, but then it became much more of a hindrance than a help. So––the end. He had started grabbing it and yanking it out of his mouth right at the instant he was about to fall asleep, totally waking himself up. Or he'd throw it out of the crib then plaintively look at it and wave his arm through the slats and make noises like "come in here and get this for me, right now!"
We didn't think it would go too badly since Matthew's only had the pacifier while falling asleep or while really tired and loud in public. And even then, he only liked it half the time for falling asleep. But, man, Monday was rough. And yesterday was rough. Of course, he also just discovered that he can pull himself to standing on things. And then on Monday he fell onto the crib railing and it made his mouth bleed (and my heart). Worst thing ever. He was fine as soon as I picked him up (I'm scarred, though. Ha ha).
But today, I think he's forgotten that pacifiers even exist. First two naps of the day, no problems. It's taken him longer to fall asleep, but no crying or even fussing. What a relief. I needed a break, after like 3 hours straight of fussing yesterday. The plus, which may be a coincidence, is that for one nap each day, he's slept more than his usual 45 minutes. Keeping my fingers crossed for that to continue.
In other news, we just signed up for Skype. We talked to Dad and Donna the other day, and it was great. I wish they lived here, but at least we could see them on the screen. I also wish they would get married, but we'll see if that ever happens. I've never been a person who thinks of friends like family; I think of family like family. (Except the Maria formerly known as Maria Deslandes. She's my real family. No other exceptions. We've been friends 22 years!) So it would be nice if Donna were actually part of our family. And it would be nice if my dad lived somewhere near here so we could hang out, and he could visit with his bff, Baby Matthew. But probably Jeff's parents will move here when they retire, so that's something (but not the same).
Also, these past couple weeks have been exhausting. Part of an email from Lisa made me tear up a little, but it also helped so much: "These rough, exhausting times may come and go, but there is always a time of rest and renewal. God already has that time in place for you, Jeff, and Matt. Even when we can't see the end of our trials, God knows and has created the end. That means the end already exists, and you are on your way to it. This journey of parenthood seems like one big lesson in blind, pure faith, but God will not let us down and will only continue to lift us up and help us grow. Hang in there and know that you are not alone! I'll pray that you all get that much-needed break soon."
Every day I'm trying to appreciate just one small thing at least. The weather has been nice, and we've been able to go outside. The past couple nights, Jeff and I have had a couple hours uninterrupted where we can watch Psych episodes from the library and just unwind. Matt's sleeping is improving incrementally. He's healthy. I get to go to water aerobics, which, honestly, I think is as much fun as roller derby. Maybe more. The old ladies are funny. I'm kind of becoming friends with some girls I'd like to be friends with who have babies about the same age (maybe we're already friends? I don't know. I'm always awkward with people).
But some things are still difficult. I have some stomach thing that hopefully will be diagnosed and fixed at my appointment next Wednesday. (My internet diagnosis says hernia, but I hope not.) Some days I am just really, really bored. Every day I wish I could see Jeff more (though I've felt this way for, what, 6 years? So that's probably not going to change).
I guess that's it. Gotta eat, make baby food, edit, play, play, play.
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